I run with Maud

 

In memory and resistance for Ahmaud Arbery who was lynched in Georgia US on Feb23rd 2020.

The day they lynched Ahmaud

Ahmaud got up, ready for his day,

As a runner he loved his run, the peace, the rhythm,

Lynchers, overseers, had other ideas, they hunted him down,

They had a plan, they were finding a black man to kill that day,

Ahmaud found, on his usual route, running in peace,

Lynchers struck, he fought hard, died trying to crawl away, one last bullet in the back, to steal his life.

Against white hatred with guns, what hope has a lone black runner?

I run with Maud.

Health update

 So home & settled from app. Where to begin  - no medications until after tests come back - not even mild ones to alleviate symptoms. Unless I get worse & a&e prescribe them...

Not even for vertigo symptoms or to relieve ear problems. 

Has ordered blood tests for everything - another trip to Stafford for phlebotomy as the practice nurses always butcher my arms. Don't know when as waiting for referral etc to go through. 

Also a ct scan another reason for bloods. 

If all that finds nothing to go on then back to phlebotomy to have blood gas checks. 

At start of appointment he mentioned a referral to respiratory dep but then didn't mention that at end. By then I had barely enough energy to be upright so let it go. 

Also asked him to put a note for future fit/sick notes to put post covid breathlessness, vertigo, tinnitus or some combination of. He actually said "we don't know it is post covid" ... as I tried to point out given I was 100% (yes to a given value) pre covid it's logical to say this is clearly caused or minimum exacerbated underlying stuff, speaking perfectly normally he actually told me off for "shouting". I pointed out I can barely talk let alone shout. 

Honestly grrrrrrr

Still app ended OK - and he did add to my notes everything else so hopefully no more fit/sick notes stating "productive cough" as the reason I'm off work grrrrr

At least there's forward movement. 

Good news is saline nebuliser (that I took on myself to buy & try) really helps ease my breathing. So yayyyy. There's no medication only saline so it's only able to do so much. But just being able to breathe a little easier is overwhelming tbh. I could actually cry. 

Xxxxxxx

Abusers eyes

I'm going to keep this simple. This is a picture of my abuser father 

This is a close up of his eyes. 

Note they are dead eyes. Holes in the snow. He had the same dead eyes as a child. Every single abuser, serial  killer, spree killer et al has the same dead eyes. 

Here is a picture of Johnny Depp

Here is a close up of his dead eyes, his holes in the snow. 

A picture of Amber Heard whilst she was with Johnny Depp

And a close up

I've tried so hard to find a picture of her eyes that look even a little dead & I can't. 

Her eyes here are broken in despair, lost, so far from dead. 

I know that look because those were my eyes once. Caused by my dead eyes abuser father. 

Those broken, hurt, despairing eyes are caused by her dead eyes abuser Johnny Depp. 

I know this will not make me popular, but this is truth. I will not hide or let his lies stand. If I continued to do that I'd be no better than my family who put their heads in the sand & believe my father's lies. 

Amber Heard is not the abuser, JD is. 100% of my in-depth knowledge & direct experience of dv tells me so. 

Her eyes in this picture, & too many others to post haunt me. They were my eyes once upon a time.