The problem with 'rape preventatives' from a survivors perspective. *trigger warning*

So we had the anti rape pants Link now we have anti rape nail polish Link. Great, one more thing women can be asked if they were wearing, doing or not when on trail to prove they were raped and did everything to prevent being raped, because we all know it is up to women to stop ourselves being raped.

I can hear it now "well she wasn't wearing her anti rape nail polish or anti rape pants so clearly she was asking for her rapist to rape her." "If she hadn't wanted to be raped she would have had anti rape pants on and her anti rape nail varnish".

It is astounding to me that in 2014 we STILL have to argue against rape myths. So let's begin with the reality of living life as a woman in this world. We learn young that women can't go through life without the threat of predation by sexual deviants, usually male. At the same time we learn this we learn we have to alter how we live our lives in the hopes we will somehow prevent someone else from deciding to rape or otherwise sexually harm us. The sheer impossibility of this, just adds to the stupidity of 'rape prevention' culture and 'tools' or 'products'. If nuns dressed in full habits can be raped when cloistered in a nunnery by their priests then it is pretty fucking clear whatever women do or don't do does NOT prevent or fail to prevent rape.

So what SINGLE thing is it that every rape survivor and victim I haver spoken with and read about had in common? Yup that's right - they ALL had a RAPIST!! END OF LIST!.

Don't mistake me, taking realistic precautions doesn't necessarily hurt. I am a big advocate of anyone and everyone taking good self defence classes (speak to your local police station they will have details of ones local to you) for example. I walk home after dark with my keys in my hand and know how to dislocate a knee and hit someones nose into their brain, not to mention how to blind someone and knee their balls so far up them they will not drop again, but none of that means I can 'prevent' an assault or rape or mugging. It means one thing only I have the ability to defend myself to a point if it is safe to do so i.e. if I am lucky enough not to have an attacker who is a martial arts expert, who has high pain tolerance etc and so forth.

See that's the thing with thinking you can 'prevent' rape, it isn't like trying to prevent catching a sexually transmitted disease, you can control whether you do or do not use a condom when having consensual sex. The whole point with rape is that 'prevention' is NEVER in the hands of the victim, the point of rape is it requires the rapist to decide if they will rape you or not. You may get lucky and fight them off, or use your anti rape nail polish to detect a drug but you can not prevent your rape because you have no control.

Case in point where the intended victim  did get lucky - her rapist forced her to do oral on him, he didn't use a gun, he used violence, she was able to rip his penis off with her mouth run away and hand it in at the nearest precinct. Had he had a gun to her head her ripping off his penis would likely have got her shot.

Is it worse to be dead or to be raped but alive? Speaking as the latter I'd go with alive thanks.

As would Nancy V Raine, who wrote the simply wonderful book "After the Silence; Rape and my journey back" where she was a victim of a serial rapist, who also killed his victims but with her he didn't. She got lucky because her fear response was freeze, she was unable to fight back, to move, to speak, to scream - she was frozen. And that response was out of her control, it saved her life because her rapist needed that response to get his juices, both sexual and murder, going. He couldn't so he left her raped but alive.


Those two cases are examples of stranger rape. Yet the majority of rape is intimate partner violence, incest i.e. relative, friend or trusted family member. And in those situations using 'anti - rape pants' not only won't help but places you in very immediate danger of being killed or of you r children or pets being killed or otherwise harmed.

You put any kind of onus on the victim to 'prevent their rape' then you are basically saying to the rapist "well you shouldn't rape but well you r victim didn't help themselves did they. So it wasn't really your fault."

End of the day you have to ask yourselves this question "If I walked into a room and their was a woman naked, drunk or drugged or otherwise unconscious what would I do?" - because according to the logic of 'rape prevention' products etc you'd be hard pressed not to leap on her and rape her in a fit of uncontrolled lust. Yet my brother, step dad, granddad and my ex all would cover her up and call for ambulance and police. Because they are not rapists.

By pointing to women and telling us we need to do this or that to 'keep ourselves safe' you are telling us to stop living our lives. You are telling me that I can't get to and from work on the bus because the stop is a little secluded, just in case a rapist decides to target me. You are saying to every single female rape victim that she didn't do enough to 'prevent' her rape because you are saying loud and clear it is for women to 'prevent' rape.

There is an old rape myth that crops us every so often even today "you can't sheath a sword in a leaping scabbard" meaning is a woman is fighting you can't rape her .... therefore if a woman was raped well she wasn't fighting hard enough ergo she didn't really want to stop it. Todays version of that myth are anti rape pants and this nail polish.

Your choice is whether to be a victim blaming rapist apologist who believes rape myths past and present (i.e. an idiotic ignorant moron) or to stand with each rape survivor and in memory of each victim and say the only person who can actually prevent rape is a rapist.

Another true account, or a poem inspired by an actual rape Roger McGough's The Joggers Song. Link

At the end of the day, yes we can choose to take realistic precautions IF we have the choice and ability to do so, but at the end of the day it must never be forgotten or ignored that ... the only people accountable for rape are rapists.