Domestic abuse during the holidays

Hello, not a long post but just a few thoughts to keep in mind.

Abusers love the holidays as it gives them plenty of opportunities to manipulate and abuse. They have extra chances to use other members of a family or friendship group (or work team) as weapons against their victims.

As I reflect on Christmases past and present I am amazed we're still alive. Indeed there is a reason I never work on new years (sadly it means I have to work xmas but I'm happy to do it), one of the more traumatic ptsd moment occurred then. In truth he used the fact it was new years eve as an excuse to pretend to be drunker than he was in order to do what he did ... he then proceeded to pretend to forget all about it due to being drunk ... another key strategy abusers use in order to abuse and then get away with it.

Even though what he did was unforgivable, he justified it (even whilst claiming no memory of it) by blaming me, I shouldn't have stayed home, I shouldn't have helped him upstairs to his bedroom, I shouldn't have ... blah blah ...


What people who are witness to these kinds of justifications, incidents etc can do is do NOT let those justifications go unchallenged, don't let the abuser narrative win.

I know it is hard, believe me I know, but the less traction witnesses give their excuses the less alone the victims will feel and will be. People who do escape safely are usually those with the largest support networks ie more people who don't go along with the abuser narrative.


Remember it doesn't require a history of physical abuse for these bastards to kill us - help us by being aware of the strategies they employ...


It does help.

Years ago, I helped a lady I knew from school (older than me) and although there and then she didn't leave her abuser it was that incident and one person being prepared to stand up with her and for her against her abuser that stuck with her and helped her to leave him a couple of years later.... sometimes just knowing you're not alone is all you need.


Blessings to all survivors and victims of dv and rape this holiday season ...


bxxx